Part I:
Several years ago, I went on a day-long vision quest with my friend Roy and a small group of eager participants that he had put together for a day in the woods. The focus of the day was as it is typical for such events—to deepen our connection to nature and, in so doing, re-aligning and re-connecting to ourselves—as we are also nature. We also were to look for gifts from the four directions, both in symbols, messages, and actual 3D medicine pieces that could be used back home for healing.
In the early morning and on empty stomachs, after a night of camping, the members of the small group all went off in different directions, with the instructions to be back by 5.00 pm for a group dinner. There were no other real instructions other than to be as fully present with our surroundings as possible and to ask for wisdom teachings and medicine offerings from the Earth.
As an avid collector of medicine pieces from nature, I was interested to see what I could find, with the hope that I would come back with a raptor bird feather.
We were in a state park in Napa County, California, a place with an abundance of oak trees. The place felt very old, the oak trees giving an air of antiquity with their twisted and gnarled limbs. The sky was clear blue, and the temperature was perfect for what promised to be a pleasant day of mindful connection to Pachamama.
After climbing to the top of a small hill, I lay on the ground, looking up at the clear blue sky, engaging my body with the Earth. I spent some time adjusting and expanding my awareness to see and feel the energy of the trees and connect with this place’s resonant vibration, in the way I had learned to do in the rainforests of Peru during plant diets and the times of isolation that process requires.
When I felt ready, I got up and walked with pure intention to receive a gift from Mother Earth. I soon came to a barbed wire fence and could go no further. I heard a voice say, ‘look down.’ Poking through the pile of oak leaves and acorns at my feet was the tip of a deer antler. Thank you, Pachamama.
I had completed a 4-day fasting vision quest a couple of years before at the base of an old oak tree and had learned the subtle power of Oak, especially around human relationships. Oak trees had traditionally been used for civic and spiritual gatherings, and I could sense how powerful it would be to get married under the canopy of Oak. Being around Oak trees always reminded me of the Oak trees of my youth growing up in England, as Oak has a special place in the hearts and history of the peoples of the British Isles.
I felt it was the voice of Oak that spoke to me.
I continued walking, and as I reached the bottom of the hill, the voice spoke to me again. “Look back.”
I looked back but only saw the oak leaf and acorn-strewn ground with fallen limbs scattered on the hillside.
“No, don’t look like that,” the voice said.
“You are looking with too much attachment. You are focusing on what you are looking at with your physical eyes, expectation, and longing. Soften and expand your gaze. Don’t look at; look through.”
Whenever I hear a guiding voice from the unseen realm, I not only pay attention to the precise wording, but I am also shown how to subtly adjust or shift my awareness to experience the teaching internally.
Without understanding why, my eyes fixed on a spot about 50 ft away from me. I walked straight to it and put my hand into the pile of leaves. My fingers wrapped around another deer antler. This one was very impressive.
Thank you, Pachamama.
I continued to walk with the same soft gaze, and before long, I had four deer horn antlers in my shoulder bag.
By this point, I was starting to get a bit cocky. “Oh, this is easy,” I thought to myself. I started to imagine how my fellow vision questers would react to my deer horn treasure trove.
“Grow up, Alan!” I admonished myself. “There is a deeper message here than you flaunting your gifts from Gaia.”
So I sat down to do a Shamanic Journey around the meaning of this day and the teachings I was meant to receive from it.
I closed my eyes, and very quickly, I felt the nuzzle of a Deer on my left shoulder. The Deer reached over and picked up two of the antlers I had found with his front hooves, at which point he stood up on his hind legs and held the antlers in place of his own antlers. Then, he started ridiculing me with a sardonic pout on his face as he kept repeating, “I found the deer antlers, I found the deer antlers!!” as he danced on his hind legs.
He was poking fun at me or even chastising me for my big headed thoughts over my bounty. I felt justifiably silly.
Once it was obvious that he had made his point, the Deer started to shapeshift into a human, a tall, beautifully dressed Native American chief with an impressive feather headdress and face paint to match.
Chief pointed to a spot on the ground and said, “You don’t need any of these medicine pieces you found, or in fact, any medicine piece. All you need now and all you will ever need is THAT!”
A beautiful large diamond, radiating beams of light from its center, was on the ground where he was pointing.
“That is all you will ever need,” Chief repeated.
“Do you know what that is?”
I waited for further explanation.
“That is your heart. Your heart is the only medicine piece that is important for you in your work as a healer. Keep it pure, Adamantine; be humble. This is the only medicine you will ever need. It is your power, and it is also your work. As you see it now, never forget the purity or the radiance. Do not tarnish it with ego, grasping, or arrogance. Stay pure, Alan.”
“Wow!” I reacted.
This powerful teaching has stayed with me over the years since that encounter with Oak, Deer, and Chief. I still feel the kind mocking of Deer if I forget myself and become arrogant, or the powerful words and teaching of Chief if I lose track of my purpose and focus.
I gifted the deer antlers to the other participants in the vision quest around the campfire later that night.
Part II:
On my mesa (altar) in the south direction, in the direction of Pachamama, the place closest to where I have my small seat, I had placed a quartz crystal several years before the experience I recounted above.
I had purchased this beautiful quartz crystal in Pisac Market in the Sacred Valley of Peru about five years before the vision quest where I had been gifted Deer Medicine. I had immediately felt drawn to her, and I would take her, as well as my special Shipibo healing rattle, with me every time I went traveling. I had used these two sacred objects countless times in Healing sessions and Shamanic Ceremonies over many years in different parts of the globe. They are very special to me, and I never traveled without them. I frequently communicate with Pachamama Crystal; she is my rock, my anchor, and I love her as a dear friend. She is the diamond that Chief pointed to, which represented my heart. Whenever I held her, she would remind me about humility, authenticity, and purity. I love her, and she loves me too, for she is a part of me.
A couple of years ago, I was in Ecuador with my new wife Dianna on our Honeymoon. Of course, I had the Pachamama crystal and my rattle with me. We were at a beach town, and it was the Summer Solstice. So I suggested to Dianna in the evening that we go to the beach and pray to honor the solstice.
With my crystal in my left hand and rattle in my right hand, I stood at the edge of the sandy beach, standing in about an inch of water, preparing to rattle, pray, and sing. Pachamama said, “Put me down.” Without question, I put her down on the sand by my feet. A wave immediately came out of nowhere and swept her away. “NO!” I shouted in dismay.
My wife, who was about 20 feet away, wondered what was happening. I was obviously distraught. My crystal had gone, swept away by the wave into the Pacific Ocean. I immediately started grieving her loss but also knew this was what she had wanted.
Early the next morning, I went to the shore, hoping that in a million to one chance, she had been washed back on to the beach. But she was not there; she had wanted to be released from my physical presence. As I prayed at the water’s edge, connecting with her, she clearly said, “Alan, my love, I am your heart. But you were keeping yourself too small, too guarded, and too constrained. Now here you are, beating from this vast ocean. You have to be bigger, more expansive—limitless. Here I am beating and pulsing from the great ocean, but we are not apart. We are always connected, and now we have the freedom to be working from this ocean of light. Open yourself to what this means for you and others.“
I could sense Chief with his feathered headdress pointing his finger at the crystal pulsing from the ocean, saying, “Your life is a life of service; stay humble, be pure—but now be vast. Now is the time of greater expansion!
That was 18 months ago at the time of writing, and next week my wife and I are moving to Ecuador to be closer to Pachamama Crystal. She has guided us down there to do our work. But to do it more expansively, with more purity and to be of the greatest service that we can be. We are going there so we can be closer to my friend, whom I still grieve the physical loss of, even though I know our connection transcends the water and the waves of the ocean. She is my heart. As I reach out to her in the center of the Pacific Ocean, she is gently teaching me how to expand my heart center to be more radiant and limitless.
My work has just begun!
Thank you, Pachamama.
